License to Ride Epona
by Gyte-san
Summary: A parody story written by my brother. Disclaimer: He does not own Zelda. Link tries to save Zelda, but he has to get his license.


**License to ride Epona**

By: Matthew

(I know this is posted under my name, but this was written by my brother. He does not have a account, so I am helping him out.)

"link…Link…LINK WAKE UP!"

"What is it Navi"

"Listen; there is a great spiritual energy in lonlon ranch"

"Fine, I'm getting up"

Link went up and was about to go Hyrule fields, but he was blocked by Mido.

"You can't exit here. A wimp like you will die"

"Mido the Great Deku tree needs you"

"Ha-ha, very funny. He's dead Link killed him"

"Ya, but he needs you right away"

"He does"

Mido then ran towards the tree

"Idiot, quick Link while he's being stupid lets go.

They both went to Hyrule field, but it went dark. They had to fight through a herd of skeletons. When Link was ready to give up they disappeared.

"You know I noticed that days are only a few minutes. Also, they say the desert is far away, but we can walk there. Then, how you never seem to see far ahead of yourself even with binoculars….And what the deal with Hyrule, three goddess created it, but it is only the size of a large city. They must not have been real stron…."

"Navi, don't question the developers."

They eventually reached lonlon ranch. Link then heard a sweet melody. He followed it and saw a girl his own age.

"Do you like my song? It's my mother's"

"It's quite good erm..."

"Malon"

"Link"

"Well, Link do you want to know how to play it"

"Sure"

Malon played a series of notes and link replicated the song with the ocarina. Suddenly, a horse came up to him

"That Epona, she seems to like you. Do you want her?"

"Sure"

Link then ran off with Epona.

"Umm, what were we doing there in the first place?"

"Beats me Link"

Link decided to show off his horse to Zelda. When he came to the gate it suddenly opened. Zelda was being carried off on a white horse with Impa. They were being chased by a dark man with yellow eyes. Link decided to ride after them to save Zelda. Then he heard footsteps. They belonged to a man.

"Sorry son you are not of legal age to ride a horse. The fine for riding underage is 100,000 rupees."

Link knows he could not pay that amount so he decided to wait 7 years. When he got up on his horse again, he was stopped again by another man.

"Sir, do you have a license to ride that horse?"

"Licenses?!"

"Yes, you can get one in the DMV over there"

"Isn't that where the temple of time was, never mind"

Link went to the DMV and was greeted by a line. A few hours later and 100 zombies our hero finally got to the end.

"Hello I'm here to ge…"

"Sorry kid lunch break"

The person went to a part of his station and went to eat his lunch. Link peeped in 30 minutes later and saw him reading War and Peace with Gone with the Wind, a Tale of Two cities, and the entire Harry Potter series. Eventually, the man finally went to his station.

"Okay fill out this form in triplet"

Link went to a chair and started to fill out the form thinking it would be easy.

"Okay name, date of birth, place of birth… Third cousin's daughter in law grandfather mother in law twice removed favorite singing avocado."

Link eventually discovered that it was one big form, so he went back to the man.

"Sir there is only one form"

"Okay go to the second floor fill out J-27-18, and I will give you another form.

Link then went to the Second floor only to be greeted by another line. When Link got the form and filled it out, he went back to the man.

"Sorry this isn't J-27-17"

"You said J-27-18"

"Oh, did I say that? That's the job application. The form you need is not here, it is in Holodrum"

Link then ran all the way to Holodrum (about a three month trip) and got the form. He went back, filled it, and then gave it to the man. The man then gave him the two forms. Link after a few days filled out the form and gave it back.

"O.k., sir your sex change operation has been approved"

"What! I didn't want a sex change. I wanted a license!

"Why didn't you say so?"

"I tried to, but you interrupted me"

"O.k., fill out the standardized test. When you are done with that come see me for the physical portion"

Link went to a chair and sat down. He tried to fill it out; however, it was horrifically long.

"Finally! After being deprived of food, water, medicine, and comfortable sitting, I can finally have the sweet embrace of death."

Link then die, but he did not account for the farie he had in his pocket. The farie revived him and restored his heath.

"Noooooooooo"

Link after so long finally completed the test. He then walked back to the man.

"Okay for the physical test you need to cross this course with your horse without harming anything"

Link looked in horror as he saw an obstacle course that would make the leader of the marines cry. Link being denied exercise for a long time could barely mount Epona. Eventually with some practice Link finally completed the course.

"Congrats here is your license"

Link was so proud at getting his license. He was about to leave, but the man said

"Don't forget to renew it every year"

Link then hurriedly went to the place he saw Zelda run off to. When he got there he saw a town. He went to the first man he saw.

"Excuse me where is princess Zelda?"  
"Zelda? Zelda is the ancestor of this tow.

"What?!"

"Well, when Zelda was being chase by Ganondorf, A brave hero named Smink saved her. They fell in love and had many children. In fact I'm his Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandson."

Link started to get enraged about the DMV that denied him a life, glory, and love. He wanted to destroy it, but how could he.

"I know the triforce. It grants wishes. I can wish that the DMV was destroyed.

Link then went to where the portal to the sacred realm was supposed to be. He stopped when he saw a building on top of it.

"Airport…What's an airport?"

"Sir you need to step away"

"Wha?"

"We notched up the security when Ganon tried to take over the sacred realm."

"How can I get in?"

"Complete all rule, regulations, and searches. First start at that line."

Link looked at the line and saw miles upon miles of people.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

To be continued in Link and the Airport


End file.
